if we were having coffee 6-11-18

If We Were Having Coffee is a personal check-in post I discovered via a former book blogger. My version is better because it will be If We Were Having Tea, because tea is 1,000,000,000,000,000x better than coffee am I right? Coffee is so bitter and makes my tum hurt, so…blech. Apparently, I did an IWWHC post at the end of April, which is technically soon ago, but feels foreeeeeever ago, and I felt like doing another one, so here it is.

If we were having tea…I’d tell you I’m also doing this post because I feel like I’m…out of ideas? Kinda too stressed and anxious to come up with more ideas at the moment? Not having huge bouts of inspiration for posts other than Pride posts? Yeah, yeah, I guess…all of those things.

If we were having tea…I’d inform you that I’m currently reading MY PLAIN JANE, at least as of the writing of this post. Will probably finish before it is actually published on Monday, aka TODAY. At first I wasn’t sure about it because I didn’t really love the asides from the authors (ex. “We researched this and found xyz blah blah) because they bugged me, but as of the writing of this post, I have embraced the silliness of this Jane Eyre reimagining with many copy edit errors (oops, shade). It has Jane Eyre, plus Charlotte Bronte is a character, though I kind of dislike her in the book, plus ghosts! It is very charming and fun and proving faster to read than I thought despite being 400+ pages.

If we were having tea…I’d tell you that my boyfriend and I recently celebrated our first anniversary together! Oh, that and he moved in! I was SO nervous and anxious and freaking out about this before it happened, but I have to say, though I do love my alone time, I also love coming home to my hon, especially lately, since there have been a lot of bad and overwhelming and anxiety-riddled days at work. I now have my three most loved-ones in the house (the other two are the kittens), and it is very nice to come home to.

If we were having tea…I’d say I’m REALLY nervous about a school visit that’s coming up. A class of about 30 seventh graders is coming to the library on Thursday and I have to give them a tour, teach them how to sign up for summer reading, give book talks, and come up with a scavenger hunt activity with my partner. I am currently reading ARU SHAH AND THE END OF TIME by Roshani Chokshi, will talk about SOLO by Kwame Alexander because it’s one of our summer reading books, and might do one more. I know I have my partner to help out but I just feel so much pressure and feel like I can’t do it and will feel terrible because my anxiety has been so bad.

If we were having tea…I’d tell you that my anxiety seems to be getting worse. I feel anxious what feels like most of the time now. Usually it’s not about anything in particular, but when it is about something, it’s always about WORK. I feel like I haven’t been doing well at my job and like my partner can tell and is annoyed at me, and in my head I know I’m probably doing the best I can given how anxious I am, but it’s not enough and I don’t want people to think I suck. Plus I’ve been diagnosed with some other not so great stuff that’s making things worse.

If we were having tea…I’d tell you that my reading pace is FINALLY back to normal!! After I graduated college and the death of a friend a couple years ago, I didn’t read for about half a year, and my reading pace had been super slow up until doing Bout of Books last month. Then, I ended up reading 12 books in May, and have now read 5 books and it’s not even halfway through June yet! Honestly, I like zooming through books and just being able to feel like I’m reading a lot. I have the most ginormous TBR list and it’s nice to feel like I’m actually making headway. Plus, reading at super-human speed just makes me feel more…me.

If we were having tea…I’d say I’m feeling mixed things about continuing bookstagramming. I liked the idea of finding a new hobby, and I’ve always been kinda curious about photography. I also honestly like the instant gratification of lots of likes and follows of Instagram. However, I haven’t been motivated to do it lately and feel discouraged because I don’t have the right equipment or enough books to make it diverse enough. I also have a hard time finding an “aesthetic,” though based on my skill level and finances I’d probably go for a more clean and minimal feed, which I also enjoy looking at. I’ve been feeling slightly more motivated to experiment lately, but I feel like I just don’t have the right stuff I need. I want my photos to look like real photos even if I just have a clean white backdrop, not messy sheets or something. I want a new hobby to experiment with, and I think bookstagram is a good idea, I just have a lot of doubts, not a lot of money to spare, and current lack of skills.

If we were having tea…I’d tell you I finally read BIG MAGIC by Elizabeth Gilbert! This is something I’ve been putting off forever, and something I for some reason got in my head that I had to do in order to start writing Queer Bookish Novel again. It wasn’t as helpful as I hoped, but it was at least somewhat inspiring, and I think I am, as she would say, the right person to grow this idea. I just have to commit to bringing it out. I’m now hoping I will finally start outlining my novel, and maybe even participate in Camp NaNo in July and keep writing through August. I’m still nervous, but I feel like I am meant for this book now, which makes me want to get back to it more. So we’ll see!

 

What would you tell me if we were having tea? Tell me about your lives and your choices.

 

2 thoughts on “if we were having coffee 6-11-18

  1. If we were having tea… I’d say this is such a great post. I want to steal this concept and use it for a poem, each stanza beginning with “If we were having tea.”

    If we were having tea… I’d say continue with Instagram, but only do it when you’re feeling like you want to and are inspired and happy to do it. Because once stuff starts to feel like an obligation it’s over.

    If we were having tea… I’d say you’re brave for opening up about fears and anxiety.

    If we were having tea… I’d splash some cream over the rim and probably sprinkle a bunch of sugar on the table too. And then probably spill tea on my white shirt, because when you spill it’s always on a white shirt.

    Liked by 1 person

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